A sensible love song for Valentine's Day

Some people on Twitter are saying that this year, Valentine's Day cancels itself out for mathematical reasons: 14-2-12 = 0.

Clever, eh?

But here's a Valentine Day post anyway.

Do you remember Tim Minchin? We did another song of his, "Fat Children", one Friday class. He's an Australian comedian, now based in London I think, who routinely makes fun of whatever he can.

Here he dedicates this love song to his wife.

Personally I love his common sense and the way he parodies the style, but admittedly the more romantic ones of you out there might not agree. ;)

Lyrics:



If I Didn't Have You - Tim Minchin


Yep, yeah. If I didn't have you. Yeah.
If I didn't have you to hold me tight (If I didn't have you)
If I didn't have you to lie with at night (When I'm feeling blue)
If I didn't have you to share my sights (Share my sights)
And to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry


Well I, really think that I would... have somebody else.


(If I didn't have you) If I didn't have you, someone else would do
Your love is one in a million (One in a million)
You couldn’t buy it at any price (Can't buy love)


But of the 9 point 999 hundred thousand other possible loves,
Statistically some of them would be equally nice. (Equally nice)
Or maybe not as nice but say, smarter than you
Or dumber but better at sport or... fucking tracing
I'm just saying (I really think that I would)
Probably (Have somebody else)


Yeah.
(If I didn't have you)
If I didn't have you someone else would do (Someone else would surely do)


If I were a rich man, diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddly
I guess I would be with a surgeon or a model
Or any of the royals, or a Kennedy
Or a nymphomaniacal exhibitionist heiress to a large chain of hotels


If I were a rich man maybe I would fiddle
Fiddle diddle diddle with the rich man girls
I'm not saying that I'd not love you if I was wealthy or handsome
But realistically there's lots of fish in the sea
And if I had a different rod, I would conceivably land some


Even though I am fiscally consistently pitiable
And considerably less Brad Pitt than Brad Pitiful
And am I really so poor and ugly that you reckon only you could possibly love me
And I (Really think that I would) Probably (Have somebody else)


(If I didn't have you) (Someone else would surely do)


Look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say
That given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of fate,
It's obtuse to deduce that I've found my soul mate at the age of 17
It's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth
I happened to stumble on the one girl on earth specifically designed for me
And if I may conjecture a further objection, love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened, the affection simply grows over time
Like a flower. Or a mushroom. Or a guinea pig. Or a vine. Or a sponge. Or bigotry.
Or a banana (banana)


And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and the synergy of a kind of symbiotic empathy, or something


So I trust it goes without saying that I would feel really very sad If tomorrow you were to fall off something high or catch something bad
But I'm just saying I don't think you're special
I mean... I think you’re special
But you fall within a bell curve


I mean, I'm just saying I (Think that I would)
Probably (Have somebody else)


I think you are unique and beautiful
You make me happy just by being around (Being around)
But objectively you would have to agree that baby, when I found you
Options were relatively thin on the ground (Thin on the ground)
You’re lovely but there must be girls as lovely as you
and maybe more open to spanking or fucking table tennis
I'm just saying
(That I think that I would) Probably (Have somebody else)
I mean, I reckon it's pretty likely that if for example
My first girlfriend Jackie hadn't dumped me
After I kissed Winston’s ex girlfriend Neah at Steph’s party back in 1993


And our variables would probably have been altered by the absence of that event
To have meant the advent of a tangential narrative in which we don't meet.


Which is to say there exists a theoretical hypothetical parallel life
Where what is is not as it is and I am not your husband and you are not my wife


And I am a stuntman living in LA
Married to a small blonde Portuguese skier
Who when she's not training, does abstract painting
Practises yoga and brews her own beer, and really likes making home movies
And suffers neck down alopecia


But with all my heart and all my mind I know one thing is true
I have just one life and just one love and my love, that love is you
And if it wasn't for you, darling, you (I really think that I would)
Possibly (Have somebody else)
Yeah (If I didn't have you)
If I didn't have you doodoodoodoo someone else would do
(Someone else would surely do)