Courtcases

Mónica (4S) has sent me these extracts from actual courtcases. I haven't got time to check the veracity, but I do know they've been going round the internet for a long time, so we might as well just enjoy them. :)


These are taken from actual court cases (apparently!?!).


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get
a new attorney?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
________________________________________ ____

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
________________________________________ ____

--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

Compulsive communication?

Now that we can communicate in so many different ways, is it possible that we MIGHT be overdoing it a little?

Do YOU over-use your mobile (Messenger, Twitter, etc.) ?

Strike on 19th

Some of you have asked, so just to inform you: I will NOT be going on strike on the 19th basically because I can't afford to. :P

So, although I totally agree with the reasons for going on strike, there will be CLASS AS NORMAL this Thursday.

See you there!

More reading practice

Have you tried the weblinks on your coursebook's webpage? I'm sure you have, he he, but here's the link just in case.

Upper-intermediate: http://www.oup.com/elt/global/products/englishfile/upperint/y_weblinks/

Intermediate: http://www.oup.com/elt/global/products/englishfile/intermediate/h_weblinks/

Did you know?

Get ready to read fast. There's lots of information and statistics here.

Watch and see if there's anything that you didn't know.

Sentence Transformations (2)

Hope you had great fun doing them. Now you can check to see if you got them all right. :)

PS. SORRRRRRRRRRRRY! Victoria from 4S has spotted another mistake. In sentence number 29, the verbs in brackets should be "visit", not "go". Thanks, Victoria!

Summarising

Here is a simple online exercise where you can practise summarising short texts, and it also gives you feedback in order to help you distinguish between main ideas and secondary information.

http://www.tv411.org/lessons/cfm/reading.cfm?str=reading&num=6&act=1

There are other reading-related exercises on the same page: http://www.tv411.org/reading/

Dolphin rings

One of my ex-students from "Fuenlabrada City" sent me this video. As usual, I was sceptical and Googled it, but according to Snopes.com, it's true.

I would appreciate any more information, if anyone has any.

Enjoy!

Happy clouds

Ok, maybe England has enough clouds already, but none like these:

Fleet foxes

I regularly fall in love with songs, and play them to death.

My latest "love" is this song, "White winter hymnal", by the Fleet Foxes.

There are many discussions on the internet about the meaning of the lyrics, but I'd suggest just sitting back and enjoying the melody. It's not my usual style of music, but it's SO pretty. Hope you like it.

Lyrics:

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

I was following the pack,
all swallowed in their coats
with scarves of red tied ’round their throats,
to keep their little heads
from fallin’ in the snow
And I turned ’round and there you go
And, Michael, you would fall
and turn the white snow red as strawberries
in the summertime

Coin-stealing birds

You probably thought that it was just the banks, phone companies and electricity companies that we had to be careful with, but nope, it's the birds too.

(I personally love the kind of bird that steals: crows, magpies, etc. I didn't know that starlings do it too. So cute! ♥)

Josep from 4T sent me the original story. Snopes.com tells it like this:

Bill owns a company that manufactures and installs car wash systems... (read more)

Urban legends

Are you gullible? Test your knowledge of urban legends with this test: Urban Legends Test

Happy Carnival everybody!

Well, I'm not really a carnival person, but this year I dressed up as a "guiri" English teacher. You may have seen me in Vilanova. I was very convincing. Life-like.

Remember there's no class on Monday or Tuesday, so I'll see you all on Wednesday/Thursday.

Have fun, and don't eat too many sweets!

Reading practice online

Today I discovered this page (you might already know it):

http://www.barcelona-metropolitan.com/Default.aspx

Some of the articles may be a bit long, but it's great practice for you, and there are lots of interesting topics.

Recommended grammar book

As mentioned in class, for those of you in 3rd year or 4th year who need to revise your grammar structures, extra practice or whatever, this is a very good book:

English Grammar in Use (for intermediate students) by Raymond Murphy (Cambridge).

(If you already have a different grammar book at home, bring it in and show it to me).

Remember to get the one with answers so that you can study at home autonomously.